Standing on the edge of tomorrow
Eight weeks earlier Renè Toney’s situation was as bad as it had ever been. She had lost her job, her wife and almost lost her home and her life.
Toney hadn’t slept for three days and doesn’t remember much about her experience, but she knows she owes her life to the Veterans Crisis Line responder who, during a suicide attempt, is the reason she woke up in the hospital.
It was then that Toney agreed to stop saying no and said yes to a residential rehabilitation and treatment program (RRTP) at Coatesville VA Medical Center to treat the post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) she had been experiencing for more than 20 years.
Now, just two days before going home, this combat Veteran stands on the edge of tomorrow and reflects on the treatment program while looking forward to doing the work in front of her to repair the relationships in her life.
Chaos and crisis
By the time Toney arrived at Coatesville VA, there was one thing she was sure of.
“What I realized when I got here was, … I was going to have to get really brutally honest and accept whatever treatment was coming my way.”
The traumatic events that fuel this combat-Veteran’s PTSD happened in the 1990’s. Toney spent more than 20 years in and out of counseling, detox and rehab programs in the private sector. The medication-only treatment they offered fell short and she continued to self-medicate with drugs and alcohol. All the while, Toney wasn’t always able to suppress the memories of that night and she would relive those moments over and over again.
The chaos and crises in her life grew more frequent and intense, eventually her wife left and she was fired from her job for the first time in her life. Toney was on the verge of losing her house as well. The only things she hadn’t lost on the day she called the Crisis Line were a few friends, her therapy dog, Jackson, who remains by her side 24/7, and her life.
Prolonged Exposure Therapy
When Toney’s psychologist challenged her to go back to the moments that she was constantly reliving and talk about them using a process called Prolonged Exposure (PE) therapy, Toney wasn’t comfortable with the idea.
“You don't ─ you don't understand. I've been trying to push ‘these demons’ down and now you want me to not only talk about it but talk about it in first person? I don't know how that's going to work.”
PE therapy or talk therapy is an evidenced-based psychotherapy for PTSD. It is just one type of exposure treatment that assists patients in gradually approaching difficult memories, feelings, and thoughts related to their trauma. By repeatedly recalling and processing avoided memories, individuals can decrease or eliminate many or most of their symptoms of PTSD, anxiety, and depression.
Nightfall was a trigger for Toney, causing her to “get ready for the fight.”
“Now I don't have the fear of the nighttime. That anxiety doesn't start around dusk because… the fight is over. For the first time in my life, I don't hear chatter or voices. I can go to bed at nighttime. So, not only am I getting to sleep, staying asleep, I feel rested.
Standing on the edge of tomorrow
Just two days from leaving the program Toney stands on the edge of tomorrow and is looking forward to the days in front of her when she gets back to work and repairs her relationships.
“The real world isn't going to be this kind and nice and gentle and understanding about where you've been and where you are. But I've never been more equipped to … deal with those issues. So as anxiety-provoking as it is, as uncertain as it is, I'm looking forward to it.”
If you are a Veteran who is finding it hard to manage your PTSD, talk to your care provider about your PTSD treatment options or call the Coatesville VA RRTP admissions department at 844-RRTP-COA or email them at VHAACOADomAdmissionsDept@va.gov.
Are you a Veteran in crisis or concerned about one? You don't have to be enrolled in VA benefits or health care to call the Veterans Crisis Line. Simply Dial 988 then press 1.