Handling Holiday Stress

Holidays are a joyous time of year for most, but for others, they are reminders of loss, trauma and grief. 

If holidays bring on painful reminders of trauma or loss, Nicole Gallagher of VA Pittsburgh Healthcare System’s (VAPHS’s) Suicide Prevention Team said it is OK to feel sad or hurt during this time. To cope, she suggests participating in activities that are meaningful to you.

“This could be taking a walk near a place where you have memories of a loved one, eating a favorite holiday treat, or doing a holiday activity that provides comfort,” said Gallagher.   

When coping becomes too difficult, Gallagher said it’s important to keep in mind that confident, compassionate help is available through the Veterans Crisis Line (VCL). Veterans, their families and friends can reach out to the VCL anytime by calling 988 and pressing 1, texting 838255, or chatting online.

VAPHS Chaplain Stephanie Gannon said “feeling blue” during the holidays is “more common than you’d think” among those who have experienced loss or trauma. It can lead to feelings of isolation and aloneness, but there are ways to cope. They include:

• Saying “no” to holiday commitments when they feel like too much
• Finding quiet time to reflect and nurture your spirit
• Reaching out to others for support
• Practicing good self-care and getting enough rest
• Making healthy choices by avoiding too much food and alcohol

“It’s also really important to have safe places to express your complicated feelings and to feel listened to and supported, whether that’s meeting a good friend for coffee, checking in with your therapist, or joining a group or program that allows you to talk about what you’re going through,” said Gannon.

If you are a caregiver, Vanessa Beck of VAPHS’s Caregiver Support Program reminds you to take time to take care of yourself. As a caregiver, you might be at risk for burnout because you are focused on taking care of others rather than tending to your own needs. 

She said simple, small strategies to reduce anxiety and tension include breathing and gratitude activities.  

Breathing technique: 

1. Get into a comfortable position, sitting tall, but not too stiff. Close your eyes when comfortable. 
2. Take in a breath for three to four seconds, but not so much that it is uncomfortable. When breathing in, fill with air pushing your belly out. 
3. Breathe out slowly for six to eight seconds. Your belly should go back down as you breathe out. While exhaling, think of a phrase or word that brings you comfort, such as “peace.” 
4. Repeat three more times.

Gratitude activities: 

1. At the end of your day, reflect on three things that went well that day, and write them down.
2. Gratitude object: Identify a small object (like a rock) that you like and can carry with you or leave out where you will see it. Throughout the day, whenever you see the rock/object, pick it up and hold it, notice how it feels, and think about at least one thing you are grateful for or something that brings you joy. Do this a few times throughout the day. 

The VA Caregiver Support website has more resources and tips to consider. Caregivers can also call the Caregiver Support Hotline at 1-855-260-3274 to talk with someone if needed. For more information, see Caregivers Support Line (CSL) - VA Caregiver Support Program.