Veteran conquers fear and shame to lead a more confident life
Retired U.S. Air Force Master Sergeant Vera Baker-Lane, like many Veterans, tried for years to suppress the pain of posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). She found hope and help when she contacted VA mental health in 2023.
Manifestation of trauma
“I didn’t know why I had such anger and was always on the edge of doing something dangerous,” said Baker-Lane. “I was trying to escape so much and blaming myself, which made everything worse.”
In addition to her risk-taking behavior, she became hypervigilant, a state of heightened awareness that involved being constantly watchful and on guard, even in situations with minimal risk of danger.
She constantly cleaned her house and always felt jittery and ill at ease. Throughout the night, she repeatedly checked the door locks and watched her security monitor to ensure no one lurked around the house. She barely slept.
Her daughters and friends could tell something was wrong, and they suggested she get help.
Seeking help demonstrates strength, not weakness
Baker-Lane found help through a specialized VA mental health program designed to release Veterans from the harmful place of reliving past trauma and equip them with coping skills to help manage PTSD symptoms.
Baker-Lane attended the Ascend PTSD Intensive Outpatient Track, a four-week treatment track available within Eastern Colorado Healthcare System’s mental health service in that prioritizes access to evidence-based PTSD therapies delivered in an accelerated model. Sessions occur three times a week and include a mix of group and individual treatment.
“I didn’t want to believe I had a problem because I felt so much shame,” she said. “My trauma was from decades of pushing it down, and I learned that I did want to harm myself. If I died, I could forget about everything else.”
Ascend introduced Baker-Lane to concepts including self-compassion to encourage self-forgiveness, sleep therapy for quality rest, and how to identify a predator and predatory behavior.
“Counseling helped me change my mindset,” she said. “I’ve become more self-confident. I know my targets and triggers, and I don’t have the burden anymore. By continuing therapy, I am ascending.”
Baker-Lane graduated from the six-week outpatient program in October 2023. She maintains access to mental and emotional support, checking in for tune-ups as needed through VA Video Connect sessions with her Rocky Mountain Regional VA Medical Center therapist.
She praised the Ascend staff, calling them compassionate and non-judgmental.
“My therapist was very encouraging,” she said. “She never trivialized my smallest accomplishments. I would check my doors six times a night. If I diminished that to five times, she gave me kudos. That helped me get through.”
Life-altering treatment
Today, the 68-year-old credits VA with saving her life.
“I’d judged myself falsely for shame that wasn’t mine,” she said. “I’m leaving all that baggage behind. My life has improved so much. I utilize the tools I learned from my therapist, and I know how to deal with the day-to-day stuff. I feel 100% better and so much lighter, like I’m walking on air. I am flying. I feel free.”
For more information on the Ascend program, please contact your mental health provider to place a referral.
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April Love is a writer-editor on the VISN 19 Creative Task Force. She began working for VA Eastern Colorado Health Care System in 2016 and lives in Aurora, Colorado.