Multiple Sclerosis Centers of Excellence
Relationships: Improving the Lines of Communication
Multiple sclerosis (MS) is a long-term, unpredictable disease that can affect every part of a person’s life - including their relationship with a partner or spouse. Living with MS can change daily routines, shift responsibilities, and make communication harder. Couples may find that MS challenges their usual roles and makes it difficult to focus on their relationship. Learning simple but effective communication and listening skills can help couples build a stronger, more supportive relationship while managing MS.
A good first step is for partners to talk openly about how MS is affecting their lives. For example, one partner may need to change their work schedule to make it to medical appointments. The other may take on more household tasks or cut back on social activities. As roles change, good communication becomes even more important.
Managing MS takes time and energy. Since MS is often diagnosed during a person’s most productive working years, it can also cause financial stress. Couples should talk about money and legal planning so both partners feel prepared for the future.
While MS brings real challenges, it can also be a chance for couples to grow closer. A life-changing diagnosis can lead to more honest conversations, deeper support, and greater intimacy.
Communication Tips for Couples
- Make your relationship a priority. Schedule a date night or couple time every week. Regular time together builds a positive foundation for your relationship.
- Be an active listener. Give your partner your full attention. Listening is one of the most important parts of communication.
- Practice good listening habits. Maintain eye contact, let your partner finish speaking before you respond, and ask for clarification when needed. For example: “So what I hear you saying is…”
- Use “I” statements. Instead of focusing on what your partner did or didn’t do, express how you feel. For example: “I feel appreciated when you help me bring in the groceries. Thank you.”
- Practice every day. Good communication takes daily effort. Pay attention to body language and eye contact, and be patient as you grow together.
- Keep balance in your relationship. Set boundaries, spend time together that doesn’t involve caregiving, and ask for outside help when needed.
If you and your partner need more support, there are resources available. The National MS Society and the VA Healthcare System both offer help for couples. The VA’s Warrior to Soul Mate (W2SM) program was created specifically to help Veterans and their partners build and maintain strong relationships through group skills training. Veterans with MS can also contact their local VA facility and ask to speak with a social worker about couples or family counseling.
Based on an article by Bethany Ferguson, MSW, LCSW-C and Margaret Kazmierski, MSW, LCSW-C.
